7th to 9th of April- Mighty Mekong

We first endured an 8 hour mini van ride to Chiang Khong. The border of Thailand and Lao.

Endured is putting it mildly. Our minivan ride left Chiang Mai at 12pm with a motley crew of three Norwegians, 1 Belgian, us and an American. There were a couple of others but they were unremarkable and I had taken my motion meds and was passed out for the first four hours. Sometimes they work too well. The halfway house was an interesting place only for the fact that the shop lady knew how to say what was on the menu and no stop for another 4 hours and then look at you blankly if you asked any questions. On the second stretch one of the Norwegian girls had the genius idea of opening a warm can of tuna in a barely airconditioned van. Never have I disconnected intelligence with blonde hair for 40 minutes straight without ever uttering a word out loud. I couldn't really say anything, they were all bigger than me.

Stayed the night in Chiang Khong at a new guesthouse before crossing the border at Huay Xai into Lao.

Part of the travel package is staying at the guesthouse and eating at the guest house. At dinner we shared a table with two Persians (not the fluffy kind) and the Belgian and the American. You can probably pick-up the theme at this stage. I think after that meal I had lost all desire to visit the USA ever again. Ever. Especially South Carolina. Enough said. Although sitting next to a woman (the Belgian) who can speak 6 languages was a little daunting.

First day we were tossed back and forth between places for hours (having our passports checked so many times I can't count) before finally boarding our boat to Pak Beng. We stayed the night in Pak Beng. I choose not to relive this experience.

Tossed back and forth we were. We also got caught up in the best scam for a group of tourists ever. So imagine you know you're heading to a river town and there is a max capacity and when you're about to get on the boat some of the tour operators tell you you're the last to leave and because it is Thai/Laos New Year (songkran festival - celebrates movement from pisces to aries, but everyone really just throws water at each other) there won't be any accommodation when you arrive and there especially won't be any because you are the last boat to leave that day. You know you're being rorted but you can't do anything about it. Facts - there was way too many places to stay when we got there we could barely get up the hill for kids trying to take us to guesthouses and we were the only boat ALL DAY.

When we got to Pak Beng that was the most crazy situation I've ever seen. As the boat was parking inbetween two other ferries, all the local kids started boarding our boat to help carry our bags. Now Lonely Planet warns you about this scam but they don't describe it very well. Imagine if you will a boat docking with about 70 people on board and as you hit the shore, everyone is starting to grab their bags to get off. Well imagine that 70 people turning into 100 people in two minutes for all the local kids trying to lift your bags, you telling them to rack off and then taking twice as long to get off the boat because they decide even though they climbed into the boat they would like to go out the front door!!!!

And then when you get off there are another 30 or so people trying to send you fifteen different directions to places you weren't meant to go or shouldn't. My favourite wowser of that night was this guy who walked up to me and asked us where we were staying. I told him and he asked me for the receipt. So I said do you work there and he said yes! Now that's an invitation I didn't need but I still got. At that point I took him up on the offer and said, "Great you can show us where it is then we can talk to the manager (he was just another scoundrel anyway so it wouldn't have helped in hindsight) and ask him if you work there." I kinda lost sight of him after 2 metres further up the hill. He must have dropped something I guess, poor bloke.

We decided to go try an Indian restaurant when we got unpacked and guess what we bumped into the Belgian and the American. Oh the joy! It turned out really well because the Amercian in her 20's was a republican. Now you can't get better odds than that. I was quite respectful but the Belgian, you know the one with 6 languages, put it so well. She simply said, " The problem with America is I can't vote for the President, but whoever gets elected affects ME!" Now that was the only time knowing the American where she didn't say anything for 30 seconds. Ahhh, the sound of one hand clapping. Em and I are thinking of moving to Belgium.

The next day of boating was quite pleasant in parts and we saw blue sky in patches for the first time in weeks (the haze in Chiang Mai was always in the way). The were some very picturesque little villages on the banks of the Mekong we arrived in Luang Prabang in daylight.

The part two was much better. The motley crew of pirates on the boat consisted of Dutch, Aussies, Danish and others. We met an Irish couple on their way to Australia who were quite normal and had the chance to impart some local knowledge that was hopefully useful. You know which footy team they should support and stuff like that. The dutch crew certainly were some of the lieveliest people on the boat, that may have had something to do with the abundance of Beerlao on board. My favourite boat member was a guy from New Zealand.

His name was Virion, or something like that. Generally I wouldn' talk to a Kiwi but while the Irish couple were down the back getting some food he decided he'd just sit in there seat. When the Irish guy got back to sit down, the Kiwi with his feet lazed out on the seats said hello and proceeded to apologise for sitting in his seat but then stayed there. Not only did he do that but he insulted the cookie monster t-shirt he was wearing! And then when he asked him where he was heading after Lao, which he'd said NZ eventually, the Irish guy added in he was going to be in Australia before that, the Kiwi, sorry Virion said I'm sorry you have to go to Australia and speak to Australians before you come to NZ. He didn't know where we were from at this stage. But he sure as heck did after he said that. I'm not sure if the guy was stupid or just tired from the boat trip but what is one Kiwi thinking when there are 6 Aussies on a boat and no Maori bouncers to kick you off. Needless to say he didn't ask me my name or anything else after that.

He did have it coming though. Within the first hour of being on the boat the second morning he decided he'd do his yoga routine at the front of the boat. And I don't mean any boring yoga stretches. I mean stand on your head while crossing your legs and shoving your crotch in the face of fellow travellers. A general note of recommendation for those thinking of doing some random personal exercise on a crowded boat over the Summer. It does not go down well, at all, at all. Especially if you're from New Zealand and you have to join the NRL because nobody else will play with you. I really enjoyed telling the Irish couple some Kiwi jokes for their trip to NZ in Jan.